Emotional battles to be fought.

Today I find myself sitting at home. Doing nothing. Well, not really nothing. Hurting. I'm in pain. The last couple of days in the gym have produced a aching pain in my body. I have been doing good to avoid this up until now. But it's here. And I must say it HURTS.

Not only that I don't have a job. No money means no fun. I spend a lot of my days sitting here. Looking at Facebook, with all my friends who are going to work, shopping, having kids, buying houses. It makes me think "what am I doing?"

Pain always brings out so many emotions for me. Mostly feelings of failure. I mean look at me. I'm 27 living with my parents, no job, no money, not even a love interest. I'm not good at dealing with feelings, or pain for that matter.

For a long time I would bottle it in. Or shove it down with food. Most of the time it was food. I would give myself to the carnal glutenous feeling of filling myself with junk that wasn't sustainable for much more than an hour then start all over again. It was my drug. My kryptonite. I had to have it and couldn't live without it. Until one day even that didn't satisfy me. It was low. Really low.

That is why I made this change.

So as I'm sitting her wallowing in my self pity I see this.



I literally wanted to cry. I promise you 100 lbs DIDN'T come off in a week. It took a lot of blood, sweat, and tears for one year and a month to get it off. However, I can't be sad or upset about they way my life is going because it is GREAT! Yeah, I don't have a job, money, or a boyfriend. But I am growing everyday. I'm learning that I am very competitive. I like to push myself. I like to sweat when I work out or it doesn't feel like I have done anything.lol I can be really nice and I love my family. Even better is that I have a GREAT network of friends and church family that are soooooo supportive. Literally, when I leave church I want to cry at all the people that stop to tell me what a great job I am doing. Even people I don't talk to much are so supportive. All of that matters.

So now I will go and cook a lovely lunch for my family to enjoy and clean the kitchen. Because this is my life now. I may as well enjoy it while I can. Try a new recipe and drive my mom insane for  making her try new things. If I could just get her out of the "Dipped, smothered, covered" state of mind ;)

Today I will take to running on the treadmill again. Why? Because I can. And last year this time I couldn't. Welcome to 2013 and the new and improved Shaniqua.

Happy Battling the bulge!!

Shaniqua

New Year brings new challenges

Well, a new year has come. I'm really excited for all that this year will bring! So many possibilities.

2012 year was a great year. I had said that my motto was work hard, play hard. Well "play hard" didn't really work because for half the year I was adjusting to a new body. But I did "work hard". I was going to post some pictures from last year on here yesterday but that didn't happen. Maybe next time ;)

If you don't know yet, I have reached the 100 lb mark. Since the surgery I have lost 75 lbs. Let me tell you I feel awesome!!! Yesterday I hit the gym and actually was on the treadmill and walked/ran 2 miles! That is a big accomplishment because I usually never go over a mile and this time I pushed myself to do two. Not only that but I RAN. Yesterday wasn't the first time I ran but when I did I felt like a million bucks! And I completely understand when people say they love to run. I really believe I am getting to that point now.lol

Here is a nice comparison picture for ya!

Can you see the difference?lol And the one on the left isn't even my heaviest!

Right look: Peplum Shirt and Pleated skirt -Avenue/ Undershirt- Avon/ Black suede wedges- DSW

Another thing that you may not know about me is I don't like to make resolutions for the new year. I think that they are good intentions that never pan out. But there are some things I would like to see happen in this new year. So here is my top 5.

1. Read the Bible the whole way through- This is pretty self- explanatory  It is something that I have wanted to do for a while so this year I am going to make it happen! :)

2. Loose 50 lbs by May 1, 2012- Actually this is a challenge that a friend of mine brought up. Something to give myself something to look forward to. So here it is. If i loose the 50 by the date then you all donate $5 for me to get some more clothes! If you want to give more you can when the time comes. But for now I will keep you updated on my progress! I think this is an obtainable goal because I did loose 75 lbs in 5 months. If you are up for the challenge comment on this post that you're in! Just make sure you leave your name so I'll know who all my sponsors are ;)

3. Run an eBay shop- Many of you have seen that I am trying my hand at selling somethings on eBay. I have a TON of clothes that are too big and I figured that while I'm loosing weight I could make some money as well! If you wish to contribute send me an email and we'll discuss it.

4. Move out- OMG! I have been trying to do this for the last 5 years! I really believe that this year will be the year. I am going to make it happen.

5. Travel by plane to a destination- I'm not sure if I want this to be for fun or to a church conference. I have never traveled by plane anywhere and I want to really bad! I just want to have a vacation of any kind.lol

So that is what I want to see happen in 2013. What are your desires for this new year?

Happy New Year Lovies!

Shaniqua