Emotional battles to be fought.

Today I find myself sitting at home. Doing nothing. Well, not really nothing. Hurting. I'm in pain. The last couple of days in the gym have produced a aching pain in my body. I have been doing good to avoid this up until now. But it's here. And I must say it HURTS.

Not only that I don't have a job. No money means no fun. I spend a lot of my days sitting here. Looking at Facebook, with all my friends who are going to work, shopping, having kids, buying houses. It makes me think "what am I doing?"

Pain always brings out so many emotions for me. Mostly feelings of failure. I mean look at me. I'm 27 living with my parents, no job, no money, not even a love interest. I'm not good at dealing with feelings, or pain for that matter.

For a long time I would bottle it in. Or shove it down with food. Most of the time it was food. I would give myself to the carnal glutenous feeling of filling myself with junk that wasn't sustainable for much more than an hour then start all over again. It was my drug. My kryptonite. I had to have it and couldn't live without it. Until one day even that didn't satisfy me. It was low. Really low.

That is why I made this change.

So as I'm sitting her wallowing in my self pity I see this.



I literally wanted to cry. I promise you 100 lbs DIDN'T come off in a week. It took a lot of blood, sweat, and tears for one year and a month to get it off. However, I can't be sad or upset about they way my life is going because it is GREAT! Yeah, I don't have a job, money, or a boyfriend. But I am growing everyday. I'm learning that I am very competitive. I like to push myself. I like to sweat when I work out or it doesn't feel like I have done anything.lol I can be really nice and I love my family. Even better is that I have a GREAT network of friends and church family that are soooooo supportive. Literally, when I leave church I want to cry at all the people that stop to tell me what a great job I am doing. Even people I don't talk to much are so supportive. All of that matters.

So now I will go and cook a lovely lunch for my family to enjoy and clean the kitchen. Because this is my life now. I may as well enjoy it while I can. Try a new recipe and drive my mom insane for  making her try new things. If I could just get her out of the "Dipped, smothered, covered" state of mind ;)

Today I will take to running on the treadmill again. Why? Because I can. And last year this time I couldn't. Welcome to 2013 and the new and improved Shaniqua.

Happy Battling the bulge!!

Shaniqua